education for the mind, accessing the subconcious,, Uncategorized

The power of music

It is obvious music affects us. It is everywhere we go, we take it with us to listen too, we go to concerts, we sing, shout and scream music together and alone. It is a huge part of the human existence. Why is that? Music or sound is energy that’s in a frequency, it has an affect on our bodies and minds. There is no independent organ in our bodies, they all connect. We call sound just that but the energy power it holds is still quite unused in the medical fields for healing and really misunderstood outside of emotional connectedness we have with it. We can heal on a cellular level, physically, emotionally, mentally and even in addiction. We can access creativity, intelligence, subconscious states, dream state through different sound waves and frequencies of pitch. It can become a workout for our brain if we understand the relationship of sound and what we are trying to access from it.

You have heard the analogy of wine glasses matching a pitch that is sang at the same pitch or even exploding if too high of a pitch for that individual wine glass. Our bodies are responsive to our own pitch. It is individual to us. Sound waves have varying affects on us energetically. It is why we can listen to the same song repeatedly, it is our brain waves interacting with that sound energy we are hearing at the decimal or frequency it is being played. We also have seen water interacting with sound energy and it dancing in shapes. Air is the lowest energy conductor of sound, water is next, our physical body is last and highest in energy due it being the most molecular solid in form. We are made perfectly for conduits of sound energy in a frequency.

Low frequency sounds can not only be heard but felt energetically and carry messages to the spinal cord and to the brain. That is how Beethoven was able to achieve writing and playing music without his hearing. He would physically feel the low frequency or energy of what he was playing by laying on the floor and feeling the vibration but it could only be achieved at low frequency notes and pitches. Music actually heals our bodies on a cellular level if we have physical contact such as a speaker playing low frequency music we physically put ourselves against. Holistic physicians use sound tables for patients. We can also listen in our earphones to low frequency music as each side will be different in hearing pitch but not enough decimal difference to discern between the two, or interpret at different pitches. The ear only hears one but there is one inside of that called binaural. It changes our energy to be more calm, less anxious but only at low frequency does this happen, it accesses both sides of the brain to be more in conjunction.

The brain is made of cells called neurons and use electricity to communicate with each other. We mostly live in Beta. It is when we experience these lower frequencies of sound energy, the brain wave frequency gives us the capacity to change a lot as you can see below.

Ben greenfield fitness

Shamanism is the oldest known spiritual practice on earth. They used drums and the frequency of that energy sound to be able to change their conscious state to have shamanic trances or journeys. Monks use their voices in sound frequency pitches to achieve a meditative state.

Our minds are so powerful and not disconnected from our bodies, just misunderstood it seems. When we are experiencing emotional pain it affects our bodies, when we experience physical pain it affects our emotions. We are one big energy source that’s completely connected and intertwined. There are resources online for music to achieve these low frequency states at You tube and Apple Music have binaural Alpha, Delta, Theta music to listen too. You can’t sleep on reading material and learn but you can listen to low frequency music sleeping or not, be changed and learn.



Resource: Dr. Jeffrey Thompson,

moving, change


Oh boy! Major changes in my life. It’s strange to me how you think something will be in the future, moving to another state in my case and finding out how it really is. Good and bad. I am so grateful to sit outside and write this in 77 degree weather at 8:40 in the morning, by my pool that has running water to listen to. Heaven! I also have palm trees in my backyard, something I have never had. I write outside, read outside, I paint outside. I could not be more grateful for my surroundings.

Let’s talk about leaving that serenity. I have no idea where anything is. I live on maps getting anywhere, being directionally challenged my whole life anyway. I have lived in Colorado my most of my life. I know where almost everything is. I know west because of the mountains. That alone is anxiety producing to leave my fortress of peace. The good news is traffic is not bad.

I just also learned they pour heavy on the strip when a friend visited Vegas and I met her at The Mirage. Omg, so drunk. Glad I learned that out of the gate. Never. Again!

I have one friend where I moved. I am still looking for work where I moved, the hair industry could not be more different. I have had about ten interviews and nothing so far I am interested in. I have an opportunity Friday I am looking forward too and hope that is what I am wanting. I start makeup school in the fall but am going to be working too. I never thought about how different my work situation would be, the style and what people want. Hair extensions is it in Vegas. I am excited to go through hard core training on those to add to what I know in hair. Change has affected me on every level.

Emotionally I feel isolated by not going to work every day and being around others energy. I don’t have my friend circle except on a phone call. I feel frustrated because it has been more difficult than anticipated. It’s learning that I will never make a life move without finding out a ton of information about work where I am moving. It sucks to get these lessons but then I’m prepared next move, I also get to learn new skills. I also am proud to honor my intuition if I feel I am not right for the job and say no. I can’t say that in my past. I definitely have fought depression along with my guy going through his frustrations of change too. Crying has been a close friend in the bathtub and my serenity to get it out. Writing, tarot cards and my crystals are my sanity through the rollercoaster of emotions. I need a job and this will pass. I need to make friends too.

Moving is hard on relationships because you are each other’s only support for some time. Crazy unexpected things happening in unfamiliar territory. It is rough to navigate through frustrations together in a constructive way. I’m glad we are through the worst of that.

I try to be grateful everyday for something and look for it. Even if it’s something small. I try to look at change as a major thrust into growing. It’s painful to grow. It’s also empowering to navigate through life not known. We can’t anticipate everything. My guy’s truck broke down twice since we moved, unexpected expenses. Next time I move it will be done so differently through these trials. I know now we need three times the amount of money we budgeted if we want things to be more fluid in a move. Would, could, should. Have to move on and make the best of it and contrary to how we feel inside sometimes.

We get used to living in our bubbles and routines. Moving completely shakes that up in every way. The truth is change is always happening but are we living in that reality or our bubbles of protection? I look forward to the future and having better understanding of where I live. My guy and I have gone hiking everywhere when we want to kill each other, we hike, we explore to appease our anxiety of the unknown. I have hiked the Rocky Mountains my whole life, it’s awesome to climb somewhere with different terrain.

Change is super hard. Our attitudes, coping skills, emotions and learning through failure is what change is all about.




I am mad. I used to question my anger and feel all kinds of emotions on top of being mad. Guilt, empathy, co dependent taught behaviors and emotions. I realize now if I had listened to my intuition in situations in the first place, I wouldn’t be mad. I have that ownership. I also have the desire to not be mad in the future so I am going to listen to that voice that says, don’t trust, don’t take this job, this person is shady, don’t date or be friends with this person. If we have this intuition frequently we question if our intuition works, Instead of understanding that a lot of our society and population is very unhealthy. We live in toxic family systems and institutions. Intuition is our personal protection.

A lot of times we reason through our intuition. Many times our circumstances are dire so we take a job knowing it’s wrong in fear of not eating and make our dire situation worse. Fear never produces good decisions. Sometimes we do this in relationships with people. Maybe we don’t understand why we don’t trust someone, it isn’t obvious till we find out later getting stabbed in the back, why we feel this way. Maybe we get in a relationship because we don’t trust ourselves. Maybe this person has helped us and simultaneously thrown us under a bus. Confusing but the truth is that is your abuser and savior. That’s been my story anyways through my relationship with my dad who taught me this kind of relationship. When we are in a bad place, intuition seems to get questioned because we are in that dark place in the first place. Maybe we are in a dark place because we didn’t listen to intuition in the first place and finally quit that job, relationship, friendship, that was soul sucking and now we find ourselves worse. Let me tell you, rock bottom is our salvation!!!!!! In my experience I am always shown the intuition I had taking that soul sucking job, relationship, friendship in the first place. It always comes back to that. That is my responsibility to listen or this cycle will never be broken…

I have spent the first half of my life doing this on repeat. I want to trust and believe in people, I want to be empathetic to people who are broken. However in this time of my life I understand I want to have peace in my life more than anything. To me I want to honor my intuition above their brokenness. I can’t save a soul. I can offer advice and refer them to people and resources that have helped me on my journey. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. I also don’t have to be personal friends with broken people. I don’t have to change who I am or my standards because I feel guilty I am doing better than them.

I have fought hard to be who I am today. I have never quit trying. I have been to talk therapy since 12 years old. I have been to codependents anonymous for two years understanding my issues. I have been to trauma therapy. I have written my emotional woes on my blog for years to get out it of me. I have sought different spiritual paths to find peace only to find abuse, patrilocal systems and lack of truth in the Christian church. I got asked to leave churches because I fought them in my truth. I got divorced and lost everything materially because it was a toxic relationship. I had my life ripped to pieces in 2014 and was alone. I got myself out of that dark place with the work I did. I now go to shamans for my spiritual guidance as their work with energy blocks has been the most healing, helpful thing I have yet to find in truth. I experienced a spiritual awakening, I now practice yoga as my church and cling to my crystal goddess ball that clears all negative energy. I don’t care if people think I’m crazy I listen to my unicorn that is my spirit animal that shows up every emdr appointment to hold me while I visit hell again. I believe in myself for the first time ever! I haven’t sat on my couch in a ball doing nothing. I have read psychology books, read self help book, read Greek, read Hebrew, read every bible interpretation. I have fallen, fallen, fallen, tried, tried, tried and sought the truth my entire life. I have no guilt leaving toxic people and situations anymore. I have found they have no desire except to become an emotional vampire and endless victim in their own lives and prey upon what I built and have, because I let them.

The next half of my life I am going to be deliberate and listen to my intuition. I am going to leave toxic people behind without any guilt. I am not unkind and will offer anyone help. What I understand now is that is their own personal decision to grow or not. It isn’t my story to own or fix. I am responsible for me and how I listen to my personal intuition and make that voice the loudest I hear above anyone’s needs. Especially those who are not seeking the truth on their own and claiming the victim card endlessly. I am going to say no when my intuition isn’t okay with it.

The truth will set you free and others free too. If we are healers and highly empathetic, it draws the energy of these dark needy people. Narcissism is born out of trauma or overindulgence at a developmental age. That is their issue not yours, your problem is enabling and boundaries for self. I now know when I having an issue with someone I speak my truth without guilt, I will move on and not look back. I know who I am, I know how I’ve acted, I know my loyalty and I don’t feel the need to prove it anymore because I’m living in codependent unfair relationships to me. The only person I can save is me. The only person I am responsible for is me and my minor children. That’s it, end of story. I’m not mad anymore, writing is my salvation forever and always!!! Get it the fuck out and don’t look back. Edge of glory!🦄



Female Divine

Her reference has many names around the world, experiencing her bliss in Kundalini full aawakening. Mother Earth being one, I recently experienced what I call, Kundalini awakening, a spiritual breakthrough or crossing over consciously, breaking through the veil. . She is female. . I also call her the Holy Spirit. I had this awakening after starting to fast on my own on my was back from finding my home in Las Vegas ,moving myself from Colorado all my life except for moments traveling the world. I visited a shaman, an amazing friend of mine, the day after I got home from this magical trip, still fasting , who cut (healed) my blocked energy from my dad’s suicide ( solar plexus chakra ) power 💛and my (throat chakra ) 💙 from my abortion in 2015.

I pushed out my baby in tears and wailing in a bathtub after making it detach from my uterus and unable to speak about it, buried him with many jewels surrounding him, he is named Christian. My doctor told me not to do it that way, he said it’s going to hurt, we recommend that you don’t ,you are past seven weeks, your uterus is large from your children, the fetus is large. I was thinking who cares about my pain? I did this! I understand that my son was dead when he was cut off from my uterus and that I was giving birth to his body but I wanted to honor his spirit. He is one of my angels now and sits on the left of me with my spirit animal the unicorn who showed itself every emdr appointment reliving 2014. Am I crazy? YES! I am so grateful for my emdr trauma therapist and holy woman who walked me back through that year, Kitty. She explained for eight months who my unicorn was and why it was there. It was in my pain, I have found her every time!

I listened to my dad this time. I couldn’t give this child a life, I was so fucked up surviving 2014. I feel terrible for this decision, I was irresponsible, it is my fault, I know! However everything in me knew I was going to do more damage than good to this child growing in me, still raising the children I had. I didn’t think I could get pregnant at 41 kind of like the denial at 17 years old! My second son would have been younger than my grandchild, at that point I didn’t want to be featured on Jerry Springer. I also was broken and my creativity was no where to be found and most of my clients were over my moving around, BLACK INSIDE! I had been in my salon 9 years I worked in alone.

I was shown that my awakening happened in phases starting March of last year 2017. After being fired from my fourth salon in two years. Two salons calling themselves Christian people. Actually good profound story of women here!!!! A reason to support each other as women. One salon wouldn’t let me go home after my afterbirth came out of me from my abortion, on the floor of the salon days later , while working, it fell out of me, with a client, blood everywhere. The salon owner was pregnant, she actually didn’t do it to me, personally, her manager was implementing her rules she had for the salon, she handed me an Advil and told me to stay strong, you need to be available for walk ins. Thankfully she saved me and no one came in for a service. I was mortified, Shamed I had blood all over my dress. I also decide to compete last March in the largest color competition in the U.S. Shown lots of truth about that and brought me back to the popularity contest of high school again and how many followers do you have? ☹️. Art has meaning!!!! I am a 3 life path, this life. March is my activated month before awakening, 3. I sat in a bath that March, 2017, reading a bi polar book written by the women who owned the bath I rented from , a female pastor, wanting to end my life, slicing my wrists and bleeding out slowly , just to get to her, the only bliss I seek when I am crazy, locked up, screaming, despaired, alone, endless suicide attempts, fired, crazy relationships blowing up. Am I crazy?????? YES! I am! Getting fired from every salon I worked in was difficult to make money and inside I was black. I could not provide and no longer was going to get child support as my second daughter lived with her dad and I had my son, we agreed to raise them as we could. He suffered from our divorce, divorce is a complete loss for everyone. My children divided. I lost my haven to work in, a place of healing and light in my salon of nine years. I have lived reality t.v. material my whole life! I was healed, freed, FORGIVEN and able to speak my truth clearly when I had my awakening. Glad to be getting out of the hair business!

I was raised Christian and am a born again Christian, I have done missions at twenty years old taking my two year old with me as a single mom, always serving women in my pursuit of Christianity and spreading the word of hope of Jesus. I have sat in endless sermons, churches seeking the truth because I believed to the core in truth. Yelling at men and women in churches that they are wrong and men don’t have more rights than women. I got up and sang my truth anyway. Jesus-freed me . Never finding full truth anywhere and watching women being destroyed by the church. Leaving the Christian church completely during my hell on earth, desert in 2014. You can read all about that on my blog, here. The ladies in the windows in Amsterdam you pay to have sex with in the red light district. Just some facts. They were in the windows against their will. They were brought to Amsterdam, Holland from Columbia because men lied to them about their future of money and provision for their families they didn’t have access to in Columbia. They did not tell them they would be sex slaves. These men paid for their papers and held them hostage. The mission organization I was with had a house to help transition these women back to Columbia and heal them before they went home in Amsterdam. The funding ran out during my service and access to these women ended. The Bible doesn’t give gender to the Holy Spirit. That my friend is a lie. She is female and she is here to heal this planet. Her spirit has been removed by men in a patriarchal system for their gain and control in the name of God! Look what the world has become in the way of men. Why is a Female deity wrong????

She heard every cry, scream in my pain. I experienced her every time I sought truth. I experianced her in 2014, when not a single soul showed up for me during it. I was put in a mental hospital Oct, 2014 my second time being locked up for suicide, she was there. I now realize she has always been there, she has been what I seek. As a mother you are only as well as you’re weakest child. As a mother you protect, as a mother you love, discipline and tough love sometimes needed to communicate that love. My mother, My best example.Her best example. She prayed, she served, she taught, she took me to my doctor appointments no matter how much my dad was destroying our lives in the moment or self destructing I. His pain. She cooked meals, she taught me. She loved us with everything in her! She never yelled me ONCE despite the constant yelling of my dad. She fought my dad too.

As we watch , read the news and experience hell personally, wars, violence, shootings everywhere in the world. Our planet is raging wars over resources instead of collectively working together. Boys and men killing , maiming each other, themselves including my dad, taking his life four years ago with a gun and snake bullet.

Let me explain a snake bullet. It spirals with deep ridges while it enters the body making sure if it enters, it rips apart everything in it’s path. My dad took his revolver he choose from 1911, loaded it with a snake bullet knowing what he was doing the whole time as a Vet. Trained in weapons. Awarded three Purple Heart medals for his bravery during his service to the U.S.A, Army Lieutenant of special forces in Vietnam put his revolver in his mouth pointing to his skull and fired ,killing himself instantly and blowing the entire left side of his face off, they fixed him so I could see him again at the mortuary, while holding a plaque of psalm 23. He devoured the Bible, he studied. He was politicly so active, he taught me how to find resources for everything and how to get involved. He called his representatives. He was my support, he was my strength. He wiped away all my tears and handed me wisdom, resources if I need them, a home if I needed him. He never went against his beliefs. I was kicked out of my house choosing to give life to my to my daughter at 18. The thing I see now, is he only thought of me in that decision and what he thought was best which was not having a child at 18, alone. Makes sense but I couldn’t see his perspective at the time. I packed my bags and left. He took me back over and over and apologized for that decision when he fell in love with Raven, my oldest daughter, His first grandchild. He was the best Gramps, calling her, ” hot shot.” He was always there for the grandkids all eight of them, 3 not having his blood, he didn’t care, he showed up every time they needed him for anything! He personally helped me with Raven with my mom the entire time I was a single mom. He ended his life enraged at the church and the people and their hypocrisy, just like me right now!!!! He was a violent man , too. He punched faces, walls, machetes his neighbors hummer and front door, arrested, a frequent stayer at the VA hospital for ptsd. He also loved like crazy, anyone. He was a SAGITTARIUS, the half human, half centaur, holding an arrow. Spiritual bravery! He made people laugh with his silliness. He was a screamer, I understand now he wanted me to listen. That’s why I scream! He was so AMAZING!!!! Shame on anyone who doesn’t see that about him!!!! I do not fear men, I was trained by the biggest badass that I have ever met. I have deliberate reasons to spread this news. TO PROTECT MY FAMILY AND CHILDREN! Warrior for women! Thank you for your training that I resisted and hated you for when you literally made me eat dirt.

Then that same year 2014, five months previously my second daughter, Chloe was in the Arapahoe’s high school shooting in Littleton, Colorado a suburb of Denver which I thought I moved into to not experience this in particular, actually. I had already experienced the Columbine high school shooting and having my first born on lock down in her elementary school in that in second grade. We were living with my parents when my second daughter was born because I was too sick and on bed rest and couldn’t work . I can’t believe I thought I would be safe in a all white community but I have been lied too and in denial myself. Her snake bullet was the experience itself. Her spirit is so pure, she wants peace. She loves Jesus so much! Following the shooting, one of her dear friends that experienced the shooting, took her life with a gun to her heart in the library of her parent’s home, a couple months. This is man. This is opposite of a mother’s love. It goes against us as females. We grow this life in us on a cellular level, they are part of us, how could we not fight for them with everything that exists in us? This female spirit is here to heal, fight and raise women. Men and women are equal. Men are not above women. The trinity; God the Father, Holy Spirit Mother ( not gender less , Jesus. ) Together we will fight the government for gun reform, we will rise the vibration to have bullies be accepted in the first place. We will remove ego and slap you with mommy bear, cold hard truth.

You just read some of my book I am writing called; suburban white Jesus, coming to bookstores near you, soon.

ONCE YOU ARE READY TO DIE FOR YOUR REASON TO LIVE , YOU ACTUALLY START LIVING! Heaven lives in truth on this planet in real time!