grief, healing, suicide survivor

The reading

I have been struggling with some deep depression. It feels very heavy to the core, it is unbearable at times. I am doing trauma therapy weekly trying to process emotionally my fathers suicide three years ago, I haven’t been the same, since.  My oldest daughter has really struggled with her grandpa’s suicide because he was like a dad to her,  as a single mom to her for 4 years he helped a lot with her and she was his” little-hotshot”. My father was my greatest supporter so his loss was huge to me in so many ways.

My daughter sought a psychic this week in her healing process, my dad came up a ton in her reading. The psychic asked about me several times in her reading and told her I needed to come to see her because of my dad. So I did.

Yesterday,  I had an appointment with this psychic. I was leary as I think you should be a bit at first or with a pyscic the first time, but I have a had a reading by someone else before and it was a positive experience that helped me move forward. I pulled up to her house with signs that pointed the way inside. I was greeted by her super furry, fawn colored, yapping dog at the door. I was concerned the dog was psychic too and barking because I was being read by it. A woman in her fifties, olive toned skin, darker hair, greying on the sides, intense hazel eyes and of Eastern Europe decent with a little bit of an accent greeted me and told me to sit down across from her at a wooden table. She had jars of oils on her wooden table she had prepared, her house was very clean and void of energies. She spoke slowly to me and explained all my choices I could have for my reading. I choose the most in depth reading which includes your palm and an entire tarot card reading. She handed me the cards to shuffle and put my energy on the cards, the deck was so worn. Many cards had torn edges. It spoke of her time with these cards and it made feel comfortable because she had probably done hundreds, if not thousands of readings with these cards.

She took the deck from me and started to lay them in a brick lay fashion, stacking them. She didn’t say a lot at first. She just kept laying the cards down in top of each other in the same fashion. She paused and grabbed my hand. She turned my palms upwards and said very sternly, ” you have a very long life but you bring yourself close to death too many times, the next time you attempt suicide you will be paralyzed, your children and their children will follow suite and suicide will live in your family forever.” She leaned into me and spoke into my eyes, ” you must break this curse!” That really scared the shit out of me!

She went back to brick laying and reading my cards and told me,”because my dad had committed suicide he is stuck here, he is confused and he is also trying to protect my daughter and I, his energy is toxic and he is angry and lonely for the past three years”. She told me, “my daughter and I have to help him pass on and lead him to the light because he was never supposed to commit suicide”. She said, “his energy of depression that lead him to suicide is so strong in me and has such a hold that I needed to cleanse myself, heal myself and help him move on to the next life.”

In order to do this, she gave me cleansing oils I need to apply nightly to sleep in for 14 days, I then will use love oil or reparative oil for another 14 days. These are oils prepared by her and prayed over specifically for these energies. As well I have to smudge my home with sage everywhere, leave the house with all the animals and return 30 minutes later to light a white candle and open doors and windows to help and encourage my dad move on.

It maybe sounds hokey to some but the truth of suicide is that it is sudden for everyone, including my dad. I have never considered my dad tortured and not passed on until this was pointed out. If this is what we need to do I am open because nothing has worked so far to get closure with his suicide.

I also belong to a suicide survivor support group called heartbeat, they have always recommended psychics to help with the passing of a loved one that has committed suicide. We actually at one group had a psychic that is local named Deb Shepherd who did a group reading. My dad didn’t come through at that group. It wasn’t something I put a lot of value into until now. I will let you know how this goes as I work through this process. It is imperative to stop this cycle of suicide and depression I my family and it will start with me!

Namaste💕🦄

 

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