I sat across from my therapist as he explained the process, he called it termination in psychology terms. He said, ” I don’t like terms as they label but that what it’s called, it means you have changed your thought processes and reactions for six months, the daily practice of meditation, breathing, living in the moment and really changing how you react to people, is the amount of time it takes the brain to process differently and change your responses”. I used to personalize way too much which caused me to feel and want to be defensive. That was exhausting and draining to live with on a daily basis.  Really hearing my voice and spending tons of time alone meditating and doing yoga, feeling my intuitive abilities has been mind blowing to help process heavy emotions and work through things I need too. I prioritized with my therapist to practice this daily to be able to change the way I processed and thought.

I have never felt this visually creative and connected to my work since I can remember but what I notice is that I feel happy. I haven’t felt happy in years and there is such a spark to creativity feeling happy and at peace. My life is hysterically imperfect but how  I respond is the only thing I have control over. I have so learned that Weither I loose my mind or not is my choice. I have been the queen of going through a stressful situation and making it ten times worse because I am not trusting and have great fear and look and sound like a howler monkey dying. We are human,I learned to quit judging myself and thoughts so much, I have to laugh at myself. That or cry. I have cried and been unhappy for a long time. I believe happiness is a choice. It comes from being grateful because when we are grateful we are able to see the good, if the NEGATIVE isn’t highlighted and underlined. There are always good things that happen on our shittiest of days, if we open to seeing them.  I am learning that I am loved and I can receive that now. I do not hate myself anymore and have accepted myself the good, bad, ugly, all of it. I truly have realized I am taken care of by a power greater than me but lives in me always and has, I just received it completely by trusting, not being driven by guilt or fear, but love. It is the greatest most freeing thing I have ever experienced, which is to accept myself, I notice I can accept other people and live in a moment and just be there, in a conversation, at lunch etc. To have control over my overactive brain of anxiety, worry, fear and control my whole life and to experience silence, love and peace is life changing.  I am so grateful!



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