Sitting deep in thought about my writing style and attraction to blogging. Throughout the years on this earth, my writing has filled countless pages of journals. All my emotions poured out on various textures and pallets of colors and shades of various white paper. Recording life events and thoughts; and thankfully it has helped to process what is needed to take the next step forward in life.
Writing is an outlet like exercise and through my experience they both require discipline. The payoff is the same for both of them as far as mental and emotional benefits. The physical is just that release of stress and endorphin rush, and the benefit of knowing you are strong and healthy. Yoga has helped still my mind and helped me develop core breathing, relaxation and the ability to meditate.
My blogging journey started on a small blog sight because of the terror felt within around publicly writing. My blog was focused on my recovery with codependency. Codependency defined: a codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her,and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior. Codependency is formed around parents, spouses, siblings, friends, relatives that suffered from alcoholism, addiction, mental and physical illness. Alanon and Naranon are born out of codependency as the root issue.
My marriage has been in trouble for a long time. We both came from having a mentally ill parent and incredibly dysfunctional homes. We lived out our marriage what we were taught in our childhood homes. It wasn’t until my revelation that codependency was my problem and tons of therapy and groups, that I could finally leave this relationship in peace after working on it for five years and three separations and two divorces we didn’t go through with. My divorce is final April 14th. We burned our life to the ground in every possible way. We sold our home, the only one our children remember. We are both moving on in the best interest of our children and are at peace finally with this decision, It sucks it took all of that for us to part ways. My thought on that is no matter how long it takes to get there, we are there.
One thing blogging has helped me with is not caring what people think about me or those words wouldn’t have just come out of my mouth. Once you hit Publish It is out there. We are all human and identify with each other on so many levels. We all have the same thoughts and feelings experienced on various levels. Blogging has a bad reputation for some reason? Many comedians have acts about us bloggers. Laughing at myself and not taking things personally has become important life coping skills. My reflection on this past year as a lesson is that ;going through stressful situations there is a choice to loose my mind or breathe, there is no benefit to my hysteria.
The desire for this blog is to connect to my readers knowing they are having like experiences that send you to the moon and back emotionally and they are normal. We all want to be normal, whatever that is and looks like. We all need tools to grow,community and friends ,cheerleaders to get us through this incredible journey we are on. Sharing what we know to give happiness and meaning in this life. Also giving back is essential, we all have gifts to give. The divine has proven provision to be seen and experienced , if fear is removed and replaced with trust that we are loved and cared for completely.