I have not written in a very long time, I put my efforts into my physical, mental health because in the fall I was hospitalized four times. My weight dropped to 100 pounds, I am 5’6, I looked like skeletor. I noticed however I was gaining muscle in my biceps from picking up my newly born grand daughter daily. I decided I should do that to my whole body and start weight resistance and yoga. It was impossible to gain weight and I had no appetite. The stress of my life had taken me down. My father’s suicide was a wrecking ball to my family.
I was on a ton of medications to control my panic attacks, anxiety, and extreme depression. My nightly sleep was about 4 hours. I was finally kept in patient at the hospital for a week because of my weight loss and depression. I meet with three psychiatrists for fifteen minutes with three different ways to handle my medications in the hospital. Finally in my aftercare I meet with with my fourth psychiatrist who spent an hour with me going over my life the past year and all the traumas my family had gone through, she was able to get me on one medication to relieve all my symptoms and validated what I had gone through. She also helped me get into classes for dealing with the trauma through mindfulness, meditation, living in the moment and distress tolerance skills. These practices daily saved my life and continue to help me grow stronger, along with yoga and strength resistance for a physical outlet.
A couple years ago my good friend who is a physical trainer and competitive bodybuilder taught me pilates and strength resistance. At the time my mental state was more I should be doing this versus I want to do this. My results were just that because I wasn’t connecting to it. I took everything she taught me and put it into practice 6 days a week. I am going on week 11.
As I have been practicing all of these skills daily, I am in awareness of how much stuff I own. We lack nothing. In order to have this lifestyle it requires a lot of time working. When we say, “I don’t have time”. What are we doing with our time? Where is our energy spent doing? Consuming the latest thing? I am grateful in way to be faced with selling my home in my divorce. I am forced to deal with my stuff, it doesn’t make me happy. What makes me happy is when I have time to do things I love and have passion for. If that means minimal living to have more time for my family and the things I want to do, I am down! I am sure my future writing will be about this journey I am on to have more peace in this life.
Life is always changing. The control we have is our response. Every day is new. We are a gift from God.