I went to my surviving suicide group tonight. I went there with zero expectations as my intention. I spent a lot of time to get this to this place mentally. I have major raw needs of processing a violent, sudden death. I had to put aside any vision I had for what this group might look like before I went.
With Robin Williams taking his life this week, suicide is the hot topic. For us as suicide survivors, we are grateful for the awareness an amazing actor and human being of his magnitude will generate around suicide.
It is great to meet people who are laughing and have truly survived suicide and are thriving. It brings me hope that someday this sting of death is not going to hurt on this level it does now. I heard someone say, ” this group and healing, grieving are how you get THROUGH it.”You don’t go over it, you don’t go around it, you go straight fucking through it. It really helps to talk openly with others about how you really feel. They know, they lived it. Some people have gone through it multiple times.
Suicide has statistics that say you are more prone to suicide if someone in your family has taken their life. It is true, I saw tonight. I cannot imagine going through this multiple times. Talk about a living hell.
Shame is what surrounds all families going through this process. Judgements flare. Need I say more with all the comments and judgements made on Robin Williams suicide?
I decided in March for spring break, I am renting a camper and driving to California to this beautiful land with a huge stream that runs through it. The property belongs to woman who’s son committed suicide at 17. You bring a painted rock with a name on it. You place the rock in the stream with millions of these rocks with the intention on closure. You place the rock in the sream and let go of guilt, grief, loss all of it. I think that is the missing link, an intention to close. A place to honor that decision.