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Refined by fire

Have you ever had an experience that feels like it reached inside of you and changed parts of you forever? For me  It is probably a chemical ,released due to  oxygen at sea level, no work, no schedule, socializing with different energy everywhere, dopemine surges from happiness, to feel euphoric after vacation.

I hope it is not just that going on. I felt called to Belize before I ever got there, I have never been to Belize before.  

When our daughter was in a high school shooting in December of this last year, my sense of security was blown apart like the molotov cocktail bomb, the shooter set off in the school.

I never considered moving out of the states for good prior to that shooting.  Wherever you live in the world, there is an acceptance to what you are willing to live in.

In Belize there is  very low rape statistics ,It is big news if that happens.  If you are in Belize you see the poverty, people who eat one meal a day,  usually rice and beans.  If you are targeted they want your money and material possessions. It is dangerous if you get involved with drugs but that is a  dangerous  decision, world wide. Only business owners and land owners can legally own guns. The children are checked at school daily for dangerous weapons.  Belize has never had a school shooting.

Somehow in my psyche, I accept that someone would want my money using violence more than people walking in to schools and public places and open firing on innocent people and children. The world is a violent place, I suppose we pick our poison to pallet when choosing where to live.

The challenge I face processing change from this island vacation,  is that I have been through so much prior to that ,how can I not be changed through all of it? Every situation and experience is hand in hand. A web that is spun intricately.

The true change is for me is the serenity prayer; God give me the serenity to  accept the things I cannot change,  the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Profound,really. How much can we really change? Personally, I only change when I am walking in the fires of trials of life. I trust more now than ever, things are laid out for us divinely.  Living in the moment, I have found God right there. It is rare for me to be able to feel or hear the voice of God when I am anxious. Now I am experiencing having dad’s presence along with God when I am in the presence of each moment.

Laying on a padded chair on the weightless , white sand beach, feeling the warm tropic air blowing, hearing the water lap against the dock, brought my senses to a heightened experience with God.

I practice pilates. The control of core breathing works for pain control and balance. I did this while getting my tattoo on the island by our friend, Angel. I have always wanted a visual place in my mind to go while breathing. I now have Belize to picture while enduring pain. That will come in handy when I get dad’s tattoo done. We decided as a family we are getting purple heart tattoos in honor of my dad.

God expresses love through people. A friendly smile,  a helping hand, a listening ear, a hug when there are no words you can use. Rawness is a gift to give, it is a space to hold that person up. It lives beneath reactions, defenses, rights, wrongs, black, white,  to true divine interactions.

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