A visit

My daughter was crying hysterically this morning.  She was throwing up, physically.  I asked her,” what’s wrong?”

She told me, ” grandpa visited me, in my dreams, wearing his fishing vest and green matching hat and blue jeans. She knew he was dead and wasn’t supposed to be there. She kept saying in the dream, ” don’t leave grandpa. ” she was crying and he hugged her tightly and reassured her with his friendly laugh.” She needs this closure. I am so glad he visited.

I have not felt his presence since the viewing.

The memorial was beautiful.  When the honor guard knelt on his knees to speak to my mother and give his condolences on behalf of the president and the U.S. Army, and then give her the flag , I had a major melt down. My mom said,”it took everything in me not to fall apart, when the honor guard did that.” Mom is a trooper! She was in her wheel chair for the reception. 

Mom is living with me till we get her healed from the accident.  She is doing well. I think my mom and I feel at peace with dad passing. Raven, my daughter is with mom now. My mom is so happy dad visited Raven.

People warn these days a head will be the worse. I guess we will see. I am grateful for this lesson; Be wise in what is said to people, you can think and feel however you want, you can’t take back what you say if you don’t get the chance. I hope it sticks.

I didn’t pass out speaking at the service.Yay. My amazing husband did come up to hold my hand as I was starting to crack. The veteran psychologists we had speak ,were perfect. They were  Really honoring dad and his time in  the military. I think a lot of people were able to get closure.My friends said, ” we loved that you honoured his life and memories and not that he had taken his life .” That was the goal.

Seeing my cousins and aunt from my dad’s side was so great, I haven’t seen my cousins in twenty years.

I grew up in a small mountain town, so many people from there came to the memorial and friends from all over time periods of dad’s life. I swear people don’t age from there. It was awesome!


6 thoughts on “A visit

  1. Nancy Rehder says:

    Shauna, you gave a beautiful tribute to your dad on Sunday. He would have been so proud of you, and I’m sure he had tears watching you from above. I see so much of him in you and your sister; embrace that and know that he loved you both so, so much and wanted the very best of this life for you girls and your mom. He was a man who could not stand to let somebody down. He was brave, loyal, kind and faithful to a fault, his intentions always good and honorable. I hope you and Heidi feel him with you when you are out enjoying the wilderness that he so loved and appreciated, and keep his memory alive in your own children.

  2. Jana Loar says:

    Shauna One day at a time… You’ll have good days and bad days In time you’ll have bad moments in good days Keep on leaning on The Lord He will not leave your side or your family You are loved!

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