Today is going to be bittersweet. So many good memories of dad that are accompanied by a flood of feelings that those memories are sealed in time. We won’t experience them again with him. I know it’s about mom’s today but for me it is another day of loss. My dad made mother’s day special for us moms . Not to mention that we are all still grieving and in shock. It is appropriately raining today. The grey skies that cry tears of rain could not be more perfect. I find it utterly confusing when I feel like someone tore my heart out of my chest and it is sunny, with birds chirping.
My first grandbaby is due in August. I am so excited for her arrival. Talk about some divine timing; my daughter arrived home Monday, moving home from California for good. Dad took his life Tuesday. She has fulfilled any dream I could have for a gift for mother’s day. She has taken care of her siblings when I cannot. Which is a lot right now. Emotionally and physically. She is going to be a great mommy.
This was last mother’s day. Of course now this is a precious because dad is gone. My kids have been truly amazing through this ordeal. They are sweet and kind and constantly checking on me. Their kindness and love has fulfilled my mother’s day expectations plus a hundred. Despite their own grief they have made sure I am okay. No we are not Catholic or Mormon. We just like to pro create( literally and figuratively).
This is my strong mom. I told her the other day, ” whatever doesn’t kill makes you stronger, mamma, you are bulletproof! ” She has been through so much with my dad and his battle with post traumatic stress disorder and depression. His doctor told me, ” your dad had the most severe ptsd I have ever seen in thirty years of my work with vets.” She would never leave his side. She loved him despite it all. I honor her today! Love you momma!
Happy Mother’s Day to all of you mothers. Through this tragedy, I see the value of relationships through the lens that only the perspective of sudden death and loss brings. Nothing else really matters on this earth but relationships. We were created to be relational. When you experience death the loss of that relationship brings light to value every relationship in the here and now. ♥♡♥