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Till death do us part

I awoke to my hubby getting out of bed. He throws his legs over the side of the bed and sits upright for what seems like a while. He finally gets up out of bed and heads to the bathroom. This occurs every morning.  I usually have one eye open while observing this routine. He then puts on his pants which I know because his belt buckle makes the loudest noise. He heads down the hall to the kitchen to make his coffee. He sits on the couch for a couple minutes drinking his cup of joe and falls asleep for a couple of more hours. I find this amazing,  he is unaffected by caffeine.  Once I am up, that is it. I am a morning person. I enjoy the silence of the mornings when everyone is sleeping. 

I find it amazing that two people who are so different stay together. My hubby is a night owl which is why he goes back to sleep on the couch in the morning.  He stays up late. I fall asleep early on the couch at night and then go to bed. Essentially we do the same thing ,just at different times of the day.

He likes to watch t.v. in bed. I prefer the dark, quiet atmosphere and reading a book before I fall asleep.  Our children are that way as well. My daughter watches movies to fall asleep.  My son likes it quiet and dark. They have their own rooms  so that works. For my relationship sharing a room sucks. I understand why married people have their own rooms. They have different needs to sleep. I am on medication to sleep, so it works right now.

I think our relationship is functioning because we relise that if you need something different, to do it. I know if I need my own room that would be fine. It isn’t personal.  If you plan on being with someone for a long time you have to figure out what works. I love my bed, I am not  willing to give that up. I like sleeping next to him too, it is comforting.

We are on year 16 of marriage but dated for a year on and off. We are the only couple of all of our friends ,that married in their twenties that are still together.  It has not been easy. I have never hated someone so much and paradoxically loved at the same time. If you allow time in your extreme feelings, it has been my experience that it mellows. When I work on myself and see that the qualities that drew me to my hubby now drive me insane are my issues to work through. He hasn’t changed. 

It is fascinating to be in a relationship where someone knows you so well. Sometimes I will be freaking out about something and he will remind me that I have felt this way before.  He will tell me about the situation I had forgotten.  That is awesome!  He listens. 

In my experiance freedom is what has to be created if I want to stay in a relationship.  Trust that he has my best interest.  Verbally thank him for everything he is doing to help me in life. Be sexual a lot. Talk through our issues. For me having tons of support through friends is healthy so it all doesn’t fall on him.

I feel I  have failed miserably on the path of finding what works.  That is how I learn. We like each other, that is the secret I think to staying together. 

What has helped your relationship?  Do you think you could stay with the same person for your whole life?

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2 thoughts on “Till death do us part

  1. I have been with my husband for 35 years, meeting him when I was 16. I have been with him for essentially my whole life. It can be hard & the most important things are communication, consideration, and respect – discouraging neglectful behavior. Neglectfulness can be the root of much evil. For us fidelity was also non-negotiable, but a couple’s sex life is what they make it. We also are opposites & for some reason, they do attract LOL! We give each other space & understand each other’s basic needs. I have a great support group, he is a loner . . . we each respect that about the other. If 2 people truly love each other & want to be together, they do not give up – they figure out how to make it work. Sometimes it’s a fine line . . . but when it works it’s beautiful ❤

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