The Wells Fargo experience

Wells Fargo is my mortgage holder. Monthly, I visit this bank to pay my mortgage. It is a…experience…every time. Once you have entered in the double glass doors, your personal space as you know it, will be violated by overly friendly, smiling sales associates ,a not so friendly security guy and a creeper.

I hold my breathe as I enter:

Sales associate: ‘Hi,’ *massive smile* ‘How are you? My name is Sandy. I love your jacket! How can I help you today?’

*She Reaches out to shake my hand*

I do not like people shaking my hand. It is strange to me we do this as a society.  I think it would be cool if we bowed to each other.

Me: ‘I just need to pay my mortgage.’

*She takes my hand and leads me toward the teller. She smiles and introduces me to the teller*

Sandy: ‘This is Doug, he is going to help you with your mortgage payment. Do you need anything else?’

I really feel like telling her, I would like to have this experience without her.

Me: ‘No,  thank you. Doug can take it from here, thanks.’

*She walks away, waving*

I pull everything out to pay and notice I need to sign my check. I notice in my peripheral vision someone coming near me. To add to my super fun experience I was having so far, the security officer took a break from the wall he was leaning on, to check out what I was doing. I ignored him and his coffee, dragon breathe several feet from me. I handed my stuff to Doug.

Doug: ‘Hi, I am helping you with your mortgage payment?’

*My phone started ringing my favorite song*
Security guy is very close to me, virtually grunting.

Doug: ‘Great song. I am done with your transaction, can I help you with anything else?’

I am thinking, get this security guy away from me.

Me: ‘Yep, I actually need to talk to someone about a home equity loan.’

Doug: ‘Let me get Sandy for you, she will take you to that department.’

*He talks into a microphone to tell Sandy to come over and what I needed help with*

Here we go, I have to be groped by Sandy again. Awesome.

*She grabs my hand and pulls me toward a brown cubicle in the corner*

Sandy: ‘This is mike, he will assist you today.’ *she smiles showing her very white teeth*

Mike: *Getting up from his chair to shake my hand* ‘Hi, I can help with you with all your home equity loan needs. Why are you wanting a loan?’

More, hand shaking, yay.

Me: ‘I just found out I am going to be a grandma and need to fix up our basement. ‘

Creepy Mike: ‘you are the hottest grandma I have ever seen.’ *laughing and ogling* ‘You smell like raspberries. Yum.’

Wow, this is an  incredible experience, here at Wells Fargo. You get hit on by the loan officer to top it all off. We finish our meeting and I get up to leave.

Mike: ‘Thanks so much for coming in today.’ *He winks as he shakes my hand while creepily smiling*

I turn to leave on my own but, no. Mike comes along side to continue to yammer at me while we make our way to the glourious double glass doors to exit. When we arrive he holds out his hand to shake my hand one more time. NOOOOOOOOOO!

That has been my experience, can you relate to this?

It freaks me out!


5 thoughts on “The Wells Fargo experience

  1. Sorry, I can in no way relate to this experience as I would have smacked somebody within the first few minutes…they kinda leave me alone…must be an aura thing, right?

  2. You probably already know this, but the hand shaking is simply proff that you are not carrying a knife in your right hand. I would say, if you prefer to bow and avoid physical contact, clasp your hands behind you back and refuse the proffered hand, offering them a small bow instead. They will get the message and either leave you alone or (probably hilariously) attempt to return the bow. For extra fun, incline your head as you bow and see if they mirror you. Vary it with each visit to keep them on their toes and irritate the security guard by approaching him and announcing your arrival as if he was a doorman. Mwuhahaha.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s