Perspective

So today I went for a walk in our blizzard we are having in Colorado, It was glorious, I was soaking wet! I was raised in the mountains of Colorado. I skied, hiked, biked, backpacked, canoed and ran those mountains growing up. When it snows outside I have an immediate response to run to it. I was raised in snow on a mountainside. It’s home.

I’m also making stew out of new vegetables I haven’t tried over mashed potatoes and bathing myself back to warm, drinking hot green tea and write like I always do during a blizzard. It takes me back in time to a perspective. I remember jumping in the snow and then getting in our hot tub in blizzards as a child, jumping on my sled going down the dangerous mountain hill I lived on. I literally did walk uphill both ways on the road I lived on. I’m grateful it taught me so much young and gave me so much connection to the mountains!

That’s actually what I want to talk about. Perspective.

Everyday we have a choice when we get up out of our slumber how the day will go. It’s through the lens we view in life. That’s actually two fold. When we sleep we are interacting with our subconscious. When we wake we are affected by these symbols and messages we receive from our subconscious sleeping. That can set the day alone awaking from a crazy dream, night terror, message from subconscious.

Secondly, what do we do when we arise? How do we deal with our subconscious information? What information we take in immediately sets the perspective of the day. If we live without intention and just do the same thing over and over it’s not mindful. It’s not helpful. Getting on Facebook first thing in the morning is the most disastrous decision to set the tone for my day. If I’m being intentional I get up make coffee, take my dogs out to pee, give myself Reiki about my experiences before falling asleep and my subconscious experience I awoke from and write. I give my day intention and then I read the news. If I read the news first I get mad, sad, I feel all kinds of ways and don’t have a good day. If I become intentional after doing that I can turn it around. I’m not perfect with it but really trying to be intentional about how I do things everyday.

Having control over our thoughts dictates emotions. When I take the time to be intentional after I rise, I stay in intention for the day. When I read upsetting news. I write about it instead of reacting because I’m being intentional about energy being sent out. It needs to leave me but not puke on everyone around me. It’s why I’ve changed the context of my writing intentionally instead of emotionally as that is the energy communicated.

I’ve gone through and am going through some shocking changes in my midlife. It is truly my perspective on what is happening that moves me forward or slides me back. My car is totaled, I take public transportation everywhere. I could complain and victimize my situation or just look at it from a palatable perspective. The other day our air quality in Denver was worse than Beijing. I’m doing something effective to my environment by riding transportation and that’s a choice to have that perspective, I’m choosing not to buy a car.. I walk an average of five miles a day but I like that. I like being outside. I’ve also lived in Europe where that is main transportation, it’s not a weird society oppression on the poor. It’s their perspective of transportation.

I’m also living with my mom. I could view that as terrible and backwards as my perspective but I don’t. It’s healed our relationship since my dad committed suicide in 2014 and we haven’t been around each other much till now. She’s helping me and I’m helping her. It’s an exchange of support and love. It’s given me an adult perspective of my mom. She rides public transportation too because she can’t drive. She is teaching me bus routes. We go downtown together all the time on light rail. She is so strong at 75 years old. She was carrying all her groceries home till I introduced her to Instacart. I have my mom almost vegetarian cooking for her and exposed her to foods she has never eaten in her life. Cooking has been my savior during my transition and discovering ways to not use animals cooking and connecting to the earth through food. I have a granddaughter so the future and my choices intersect, I understand that.

It’s interesting to hear my Mom’s perspective of life as she was the silent generation before baby boomers. She’s pretty liberal for her age.

I’m grateful she supports me changing careers into the spiritual energy world of Reiki. I’m grateful for this time with her and that’s the perspective I choose.

The way we process our circumstances dictates us moving forward or not. I can’t get up everyday in negativity and defeat. Becoming a Master Reiki has taught me intention. That’s what Reiki is about. Nothing is wrong in life till we decide it is wrong. Even if we are victims? What then? The only thing we have control over is our thoughts, our perspective that gives us hope or defeat. I have learned so much about energy and what I put out comes back to me. If everything is negative so it shall be.

The law of attraction is all about this. It’s not metaphysical, it’s physics. We are matter and we put out negative or positive energy, it’s a choice and an intention.

Lastly, if I blame someone for this outcome I am in, there is no lesson for me. I’m so excited to be single for the first time in my life, doing exactly what I want to be doing and being happy doing it because I choose a positive perspective of hope, abundance and endless opportunities for myself. I have been a victim, I have lived in a victim mentality and I suffered. I choose everyday my positive perspective because it makes me happy, It gives me courage and strength to keep going and achieving every dream I have.

Namaste🙏

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Embracing fear

I did it! I shaved my hair off. I’ve had the desire since October after breaking up with my fiancé. I shaved my head when I was twenty one years old, wasn’t scary at all because I was young, it’s scary now I will be forty five years old in three months. I also spent my twenty six year career in hair and that is always edgy, also I have worn my hair super short and in so many styles, it’s easier for me than most women to shave it off because of my relationship with hair.. My 18 year old son FaceTimed me from his school while I did this, he walked me through my screaming. “You are beautiful momma, you will feel so liberated!”

This last relationship I was in is so painful to get over. I love him still. We are going in two very different directions career wise. That is love sometimes, letting someone go. We also had toxic patterns that we couldn’t seem to fix and it made us both miserable. We support each other moving forward and that’s the most loving thing we can do, even if that’s not together.

It’s interesting that I would want to shave my head in some sort of relief to my relationship ending. In Japan misogi means admit your fault, repent, shaving the head signifies that. They also shave heads in Japan to equalize the sexes in schools. In Buddhism hair represents worldly thoughts, so that’s why they shave their heads. It actually does bring me relief. I actually think I’m going to keep it because of who I am becoming internally which is more important to me than my appearance.

When I was 8 my dad built on a new bedroom to our house when we adopted my brother, that became mine. I decorated it in Asian as a child. I also remember my lucid dreams in Asia from my childhood. I have been to a lot of classes on spirituality, they say whatever your psychic gift is you have had since childhood. I never could understand my gift during those classes till now.

I just got my Master Reiki certification in February after being completely taken by it becoming certified as a Reiki level 1 and 2 last summer. Reiki is a Japanese hand on healing or distant healing modality using chi energy. Last summer as I was being lead to take Reiki classes, I also was introduced to qigong. I incorporate qigong in my Reiki sessions as it moves the energy after giving the healing energy. Interestingly I specialized in Asian hair my entire career. I also was introduced to the I Ching at 15 years old.

I now very much understand what these teachers have taught me about psychic gifting. I just needed to find my healing modality in my passion and identification for all things Asian.

Interesting, I feel more feminine with a shaved head than with hair. I think it’s the energy of fearlessness in female energy. Interestingly that’s what I was looking for over redemption for my relationship ending. I would have never known that if I lived in my fear of vanity.

I’m transitioning into the second part of my life. I think that’s also what I am communicating with my shaved head. I have not been the same since I found Reiki. I laugh that I’m called a Master Reiki because this energy teaches. I have no idea how anyone can master this energy, that’s not the point. It’s a relationship with this energy, it’s so wise,healing and loving.

Lastly, I’m a huge womanist, I’m sick of being objectified. I think it’s every women’s dream to shave their head and say,” fuck it !” In total freedom. To be honest I can’t believe it’s 2019 and we are still so far behind by being shocked with a women with a shaved head. Look at our technology then look at our culture of standards for women. We are so much MORE than something to look at!!!!!!!!

While I was shaving my head I intentionally gave power to a friend of mine wanting to flee Saudi Arabia because of having no freedom as a female. I gave power to a friend who does this because she has alopecia and has too. I gave power to a friend who I shaved her hair during chemo. I gave power to a friend who was held by her hair while being raped. This is the reality of being female. We are still not equal worldwide. We are held to standards and objectified. I’m really sick of it. I’m not participating anymore in that reality. If my shaved head bothers you, that’s totally on you. Look at why it bothers you????? That is total freedom! I’m so happy I did it!!!! My only regret is timing because it’s ten degrees where I live today! Lol! I’m going to love it this summer! Embrace your fears! It has much to teach.

Namaste🙏

Choose your own adventure

Last night sleeping every thing that came to me I gave Reiki too. Every thought and vision that was my response. Law of attraction. If everything I process is negative it will be that way. My processing has to be the control. That is exciting to me that I can do it in my sleep as I’ve been working on it consciously awake. Big deal to me! It reminds me of people who learn a foreign language and start dreaming in that language.

After my first and second attunement to Reiki this past summer I became very aware of my negative thinking, victimization and judgement. Every thought that comes in I have a choice what road I take. Release the thought. I am not my thoughts or my emotions. It’s detachment from that. Meditating helps with releasing thoughts and feelings and over time we have less thoughts which cause emotions.

I don’t judge where I am. I am focusing on where I am going. I am here because of the choices I made. I will make different choices because I am aware and have the lessons which I don’t want again. It doesn’t make me stuck unless I let it. We get stuck if we start to attach victimization. Sometimes we are victims but then how do we climb from that? For me it was seeing I was a victim to myself and my thinking above anything else. My thinking equals my circumstances. For me it was being alone and overcoming everything in my being alone. That means I was faced with changing my thinking that stopped me from moving forward.

When a thought presents itself we usually have a automatic response to it. It’s tapping into that and seeing how we can change that response. Now I’m on purpose when getting a thought don’t judge the thought or person but give it Reiki and move on. Sometimes repeatedly. The reason I do this is I need healing around some of these thoughts. Instead of judgement, healing and acceptance.

Our thoughts are very powerful and manifest our outcomes. Albert Einstein was very right about the frequency of energy and attaining what we want. It is physics not anything else with energy. What we put energy into we manifest. Good and bad!



What I’m really learning right now is that other people do what they do because of their thoughts and feelings. How they respond and act has nothing to do with me. My responsibility is to understand that and not personalize that but understand what is coming up for me with that person. Sometimes we shouldn’t trust the person we are interacting with. I try to listen to my gut versus judgment. It’s having discernment with my gut versus thoughts and not going down every road my thoughts want to go. Or just judging that person. What am I supposed to be learning?

Every situation we go through is a lesson. I’m learning to ask what is the lesson versus why is this happening? It’s on purpose removing victimization because that doesn’t help me. It makes me stuck and feel hopeless.

Typically when we have a feeling about someone it’s telling us something. It’s our choice to judge them. Again removing victimization, it’s asking the question what about this person and their actions that is bothering me? Then what can we do about it? We can have a conversation with someone about their actions that bother us but a lot of times they are on auto pilot and don’t even think about their actions at all. Nor do they care when you address it. Or they feel so victimized you can’t reach them. So it’s about limiting our time with those folks or not remaining in a relationship. We are in control of who is in our intimate circle. Look at people’s actions above their words. Also if we keep people in our lives intimately who show us that they don’t have our best interests, that’s on us. We start taking their karma because we aren’t listening to what we really need and that’s called carrying their burden. I’ve lived long enough in that circle, it’s so freeing to not feel that way. You are lovingly releasing that person for their own lessons because that’s what they need.

In conclusion it is our thoughts that dictate our reality. It is our choices from those thoughts that create the life we want. Is life happening to us? Or is life teaching us? Are you a victim or warrior? It’s all what we choose.

Namaste 🙏

Long distance Reiki

Music is so powerful, It just takes you back to that moment in time. I’ve been on a The Cure kick for a second. It takes me right back to 16 and 17 years old. I remember it like yesterday, sitting in my room listening to Charlotte sometimes by the Cure, tapes. Yep, tapes, that long ago. I would listen repeatedly trying to understand what he’s saying but the sadness that comes through the song captivated my mind and body instead, in my room surrounded by posters of all of musicians I respected. The 80’s & 90’s musicians had a political kick back to the machine and society, the emotions and passions that poured out of them at the time was consuming to me. So much time has gone by. It makes me reflective of how I was and what I wanted at that time and how my life is so different than I could ever imagine at that age.

I imagine she would like me now. We both have the same pursuits with food and being vegetarian , the government, equality for women, love of music. At that age I was being rebellious with a cause. I didn’t have the understanding around the causes I had then, that I do now.

The difference is she was goth/death rock. I’m from the original crew of pure pigments with manic panic apple green hair, in the 1990’s. She was hard to the outer world. She wasn’t going to cry, she was going to prove she wasn’t weak. It took me till 30 years old to wear a skirt. It took me till 40 years old to fully embrace my femininity. At 44 years old, I cry almost everyday. Not just out of pain but gratitude. Gratitude I’m not that girl that felt she needed to prove herself because she felt so unloved. She is fully loved and accepted by me, the only one she ever needed.

I’ve been doing long distance Reiki on my teenage self lately. Long distance Reiki can be used to do Reiki long distance in current time or you can use Reiki to go back into time or into the future and hands on. I have a picture I use of myself at that age. I have done a ton of work in my Solar Plexus Chakra which is our power center. We carry all our trauma in our Solar Plexus Chakra.

It’s been healing for me to go back in time and remove the negativity of that 16 year old. It’s been amazing to give her healing energy and love her on purpose. Encourage her.

It was so crazy, out of the blue, the other day my oldest daughter somehow ended up with my baby box and returned my brass plated baby shoe, I knew it was time to do Reiki on my small self.

It’s never to late to receive healing. It’s never to early to send yourself healing energy to your future. Reiki is based on intent.

Namaste 🙏

Long distance Reiki

Music is so powerful, It just takes you back to that moment in time. I’ve been on a The Cure kick for a second. It takes me right back to 16 and 17 years old. I remember it like yesterday, sitting in my room listening to Charlotte sometimes by the Cure, tapes. Yep, tapes, that long ago. I would listen repeatedly trying to understand what he’s saying but the sadness that comes through the song captivated my mind and body instead, in my room surrounded by posters of all of musicians I respected. The 80’s & 90’s musicians had a political kick back to the machine and society, the emotions and passions that poured out of them at the time was consuming to me. So much time has gone by. It makes me reflective of how I was and what I wanted at that time and how my life is so different than I could ever imagine at that age. 

I imagine she would like me now. We both have the same pursuits with food and being vegetarian , the government, equality for women, love of music. At that age I was being rebellious with a cause. I didn’t have the understanding around the causes I had then, that I do now. 

The difference is she was goth/death rock. I’m from the original crew of pure pigments with manic panic apple green hair  in the 1990’s. She was hard to the outer world. She wasn’t going to cry, she was going to prove she wasn’t weak. It took me till 30 years old to wear a skirt. It took me till 40 years old to fully embrace my femininity. At 44 years old, I cry almost everyday. Not just out of pain but gratitude. Gratitude I’m not that girl that felt she needed to prove herself because she felt so unloved. She is fully loved and accepted by me, the only one she ever needed. 

I’ve been doing long distance Reiki on my teenage self lately. Long distance Reiki can be used to do Reiki long distance in current time or you can use Reiki to go back into time or into the future. I have a picture I use of myself at that age. A have done a ton of work in my Solar Plexus Chakra which is our power center. We carry all our trauma in our Solar Plexus Chakra. 

It’s been healing for me to go back in time and remove the negativity of that 16 year old. It’s been amazing to give her healing energy and love her on purpose. Encourage her. 

It was so crazy, out of the blue, the other day my oldest daughter dropped off my baby box she had. My mom brass plated my baby shoes. One of the baby shoes fell out and I knew it was time to do Reiki on my small self. 

It’s never to late to receive healing. It’s never to early to send yourself healing energy to your future. 

Namaste 🙏

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/charlotte-sometimes-single-version/65619910?i=65619908

Darkness

Darkness. It’s part of our existence here on earth. We all have it within us. Many take pills to not feel it, many do rituals to control it, many have addictions to run from the darkness, many are in denial..The only way through pain is to feel pain, physical or emotional. It’s also to accept our shadow side.

Why is it so hard for us to integrate darkness or become one with our pain? It is our resistance to feeling pain on any level. When it is very cold or hot outside and we walk into it, our first reaction is to tense and reject it. Living in temperatures this summer that was up to 115 degrees outside, I learned this lesson. Deep breathe in, accept. I learned this lesson with chronic neck pain and when I would stretch my neck in yoga, I would reach inside the pain and not reject it. I learned if I did this my healing time was less, I no longer have chronic neck issues.

Our shadow self is the parts of us that are not healed. It needs to be shown so we can see how we are hurtful as people. We have to integrate and accept our shadow self. Through that acceptance we don’t have to have addictions or controlling behaviors, we actually have the ability to change. When we are not resisting ourselves or our pain on any level there is a breakthrough and research is proving this. We are one with our body and mind, our thought life is the most vital component to freeing ourselves
from self imprisonments.

For me being creative with darkness has helped reconcile that I accept that part of myself, like my neck pain when I go inside my darkness and parts of me I don’t like, I don’t resist any of it. It’s truly freedom.


My daughter pictured above was in a high school shooting. This to me is what it did to her, her mind is affected because of the shooting. She was so innocent, only 15 years old. Her boyfriend pictured behind is dead representing all those that died by suicide following the shooting and those that can’t get past the shooting being zombie like. A picture is worth a million words.

Namaste🙏🏻

Life is like a box of chocolates

“Life is like a box of chocolates.” Have you ever thought about that? It’s so true. Every chocolate looks like it would be delicious in it’s beautiful coating, just inviting you to take a bite, which we impulsively do but then when you start to chew the flavor inside is not what you expected or like. Then you spit it out and try again, this time reading about the chocolates so you don’t experience that again, not taken by the appearance of the coating of chocolate. If we have done this enough we look first at the box of chocolates and read about the surprise that we are going to put in our mouths because we aren’t taken by the appearances but the negative experience we are going to have.

Don’t you wish people had labels like this? Inside of this person there is a nutty finish. Outside of the coating we all come in, there is no external labeling. With humans we have to label behavior or have red flags. You have to bite into the coating unfortunately to understand you don’t like it. The good news is just like biting into a chocolate we don’t like, we become hesitant to take a huge bite at first with humans. We nibble cautiously because we understand with humans after lots of encounters with this, it not only leaves a bad aftertaste it can be life wrecking and very painful.

Maybe it’s because we decided to be impulsive and chomp down on that chocolate we know nothing about. It is through these experiences we learn not only about the chocolate but ourselves. That is what is really important is the lesson in self. People are mirrors to us. We leave a relationship when that person hurts us worse than we treat ourselves. With humans it’s not as easy as chocolates, we can even become shielded and guarded to become non chocolate eaters, never facing that box again. The truth is we needed that experience for teaching. It in the end grew us in some way, better, bitter, grateful, resentful. We get to choose.

Namaste🙏🏻