Female Divine

Her reference has many names around the world, experiencing her bliss in Kundalini full aawakening. Mother Earth being one, I recently experienced what I call, Kundalini awakening, a spiritual breakthrough or crossing over consciously, breaking through the veil. . She is female. . I also call her the Holy Spirit. I had this awakening after starting to fast on my own on my was back from finding my home in Las Vegas ,moving myself from Colorado all my life except for moments traveling the world. I visited a shaman, an amazing friend of mine, the day after I got home from this magical trip, still fasting , who cut (healed) my blocked energy from my dad’s suicide ( solar plexus chakra ) power 💛and my (throat chakra ) 💙 from my abortion in 2015.

I pushed out my baby in tears and wailing in a bathtub after making it detach from my uterus and unable to speak about it, buried him with many jewels surrounding him, he is named Christian. My doctor told me not to do it that way, he said it’s going to hurt, we recommend that you don’t ,you are past seven weeks, your uterus is large from your children, the fetus is large. I was thinking who cares about my pain? I did this! I understand that my son was dead when he was cut off from my uterus and that I was giving birth to his body but I wanted to honor his spirit. He is one of my angels now and sits on the left of me with my spirit animal the unicorn who showed itself every emdr appointment reliving 2014. Am I crazy? YES! I am so grateful for my emdr trauma therapist and holy woman who walked me back through that year, Kitty. She explained for eight months who my unicorn was and why it was there. It was in my pain, I have found her every time!

I listened to my dad this time. I couldn’t give this child a life, I was so fucked up surviving 2014. I feel terrible for this decision, I was irresponsible, it is my fault, I know! However everything in me knew I was going to do more damage than good to this child growing in me, still raising the children I had. I didn’t think I could get pregnant at 41 kind of like the denial at 17 years old! My second son would have been younger than my grandchild, at that point I didn’t want to be featured on Jerry Springer. I also was broken and my creativity was no where to be found and most of my clients were over my moving around, BLACK INSIDE! I had been in my salon 9 years I worked in alone.

I was shown that my awakening happened in phases starting March of last year 2017. After being fired from my fourth salon in two years. Two salons calling themselves Christian people. Actually good profound story of women here!!!! A reason to support each other as women. One salon wouldn’t let me go home after my afterbirth came out of me from my abortion, on the floor of the salon days later , while working, it fell out of me, with a client, blood everywhere. The salon owner was pregnant, she actually didn’t do it to me, personally, her manager was implementing her rules she had for the salon, she handed me an Advil and told me to stay strong, you need to be available for walk ins. Thankfully she saved me and no one came in for a service. I was mortified, Shamed I had blood all over my dress. I also decide to compete last March in the largest color competition in the U.S. Shown lots of truth about that and brought me back to the popularity contest of high school again and how many followers do you have? ☹️. Art has meaning!!!! I am a 3 life path, this life. March is my activated month before awakening, 3. I sat in a bath that March, 2017, reading a bi polar book written by the women who owned the bath I rented from , a female pastor, wanting to end my life, slicing my wrists and bleeding out slowly , just to get to her, the only bliss I seek when I am crazy, locked up, screaming, despaired, alone, endless suicide attempts, fired, crazy relationships blowing up. Am I crazy?????? YES! I am! Getting fired from every salon I worked in was difficult to make money and inside I was black. I could not provide and no longer was going to get child support as my second daughter lived with her dad and I had my son, we agreed to raise them as we could. He suffered from our divorce, divorce is a complete loss for everyone. My children divided. I lost my haven to work in, a place of healing and light in my salon of nine years. I have lived reality t.v. material my whole life! I was healed, freed, FORGIVEN and able to speak my truth clearly when I had my awakening. Glad to be getting out of the hair business!

I was raised Christian and am a born again Christian, I have done missions at twenty years old taking my two year old with me as a single mom, always serving women in my pursuit of Christianity and spreading the word of hope of Jesus. I have sat in endless sermons, churches seeking the truth because I believed to the core in truth. Yelling at men and women in churches that they are wrong and men don’t have more rights than women. I got up and sang my truth anyway. Jesus-freed me . Never finding full truth anywhere and watching women being destroyed by the church. Leaving the Christian church completely during my hell on earth, desert in 2014. You can read all about that on my blog, here. The ladies in the windows in Amsterdam you pay to have sex with in the red light district. Just some facts. They were in the windows against their will. They were brought to Amsterdam, Holland from Columbia because men lied to them about their future of money and provision for their families they didn’t have access to in Columbia. They did not tell them they would be sex slaves. These men paid for their papers and held them hostage. The mission organization I was with had a house to help transition these women back to Columbia and heal them before they went home in Amsterdam. The funding ran out during my service and access to these women ended. The Bible doesn’t give gender to the Holy Spirit. That my friend is a lie. She is female and she is here to heal this planet. Her spirit has been removed by men in a patriarchal system for their gain and control in the name of God! Look what the world has become in the way of men. Why is a Female deity wrong????

She heard every cry, scream in my pain. I experienced her every time I sought truth. I experianced her in 2014, when not a single soul showed up for me during it. I was put in a mental hospital Oct, 2014 my second time being locked up for suicide, she was there. I now realize she has always been there, she has been what I seek. As a mother you are only as well as you’re weakest child. As a mother you protect, as a mother you love, discipline and tough love sometimes needed to communicate that love. My mother, My best example.Her best example. She prayed, she served, she taught, she took me to my doctor appointments no matter how much my dad was destroying our lives in the moment or self destructing I. His pain. She cooked meals, she taught me. She loved us with everything in her! She never yelled me ONCE despite the constant yelling of my dad. She fought my dad too.

As we watch , read the news and experience hell personally, wars, violence, shootings everywhere in the world. Our planet is raging wars over resources instead of collectively working together. Boys and men killing , maiming each other, themselves including my dad, taking his life four years ago with a gun and snake bullet.

Let me explain a snake bullet. It spirals with deep ridges while it enters the body making sure if it enters, it rips apart everything in it’s path. My dad took his revolver he choose from 1911, loaded it with a snake bullet knowing what he was doing the whole time as a Vet. Trained in weapons. Awarded three Purple Heart medals for his bravery during his service to the U.S.A, Army Lieutenant of special forces in Vietnam put his revolver in his mouth pointing to his skull and fired ,killing himself instantly and blowing the entire left side of his face off, they fixed him so I could see him again at the mortuary, while holding a plaque of psalm 23. He devoured the Bible, he studied. He was politicly so active, he taught me how to find resources for everything and how to get involved. He called his representatives. He was my support, he was my strength. He wiped away all my tears and handed me wisdom, resources if I need them, a home if I needed him. He never went against his beliefs. I was kicked out of my house choosing to give life to my to my daughter at 18. The thing I see now, is he only thought of me in that decision and what he thought was best which was not having a child at 18, alone. Makes sense but I couldn’t see his perspective at the time. I packed my bags and left. He took me back over and over and apologized for that decision when he fell in love with Raven, my oldest daughter, His first grandchild. He was the best Gramps, calling her, ” hot shot.” He was always there for the grandkids all eight of them, 3 not having his blood, he didn’t care, he showed up every time they needed him for anything! He personally helped me with Raven with my mom the entire time I was a single mom. He ended his life enraged at the church and the people and their hypocrisy, just like me right now!!!! He was a violent man , too. He punched faces, walls, machetes his neighbors hummer and front door, arrested, a frequent stayer at the VA hospital for ptsd. He also loved like crazy, anyone. He was a SAGITTARIUS, the half human, half centaur, holding an arrow. Spiritual bravery! He made people laugh with his silliness. He was a screamer, I understand now he wanted me to listen. That’s why I scream! He was so AMAZING!!!! Shame on anyone who doesn’t see that about him!!!! I do not fear men, I was trained by the biggest badass that I have ever met. I have deliberate reasons to spread this news. TO PROTECT MY FAMILY AND CHILDREN! Warrior for women! Thank you for your training that I resisted and hated you for when you literally made me eat dirt.

Then that same year 2014, five months previously my second daughter, Chloe was in the Arapahoe’s high school shooting in Littleton, Colorado a suburb of Denver which I thought I moved into to not experience this in particular, actually. I had already experienced the Columbine high school shooting and having my first born on lock down in her elementary school in that in second grade. We were living with my parents when my second daughter was born because I was too sick and on bed rest and couldn’t work . I can’t believe I thought I would be safe in a all white community but I have been lied too and in denial myself. Her snake bullet was the experience itself. Her spirit is so pure, she wants peace. She loves Jesus so much! Following the shooting, one of her dear friends that experienced the shooting, took her life with a gun to her heart in the library of her parent’s home, a couple months. This is man. This is opposite of a mother’s love. It goes against us as females. We grow this life in us on a cellular level, they are part of us, how could we not fight for them with everything that exists in us? This female spirit is here to heal, fight and raise women. Men and women are equal. Men are not above women. The trinity; God the Father, Holy Spirit Mother ( not gender less , Jesus. ) Together we will fight the government for gun reform, we will rise the vibration to have bullies be accepted in the first place. We will remove ego and slap you with mommy bear, cold hard truth.

You just read some of my book I am writing called; suburban white Jesus, coming to bookstores near you, soon.

ONCE YOU ARE READY TO DIE FOR YOUR REASON TO LIVE , YOU ACTUALLY START LIVING! Heaven lives in truth on this planet in real time!